Guest Recipe 2 : Toad in the hole but better than it.

Hi. No one I know wanted to submit anything for the site, so I let Andrew submit another one. Up yours to everyone else, thankyou to Andrew…

Pigs in blankets in holes (toad in hole but better than it)

Hi I am Daniels friend Andy, me and Daniel have only seen one another
twice since my last recipe but I think are still quite good friends,
but not as close as say Ross and Chandler from friends, more like as
close as Gunther and Chandler from friends or Arjen and Emma from the
junior apprentice. As this is my second recipe I will just say a few
things about myself so you can get to know me a little better : my sort
code is 266 102 and my account number is 9237 4389 2476 and my bank is
NatWest in Worthing on Chapel Road. I’ve got another recipe that I
invented but it might already exist, but I didn’t know that when I
thought of it. I Hope you like it, it’s ideal for eating with others
because of its large proportions or just sharing with a life partner.
This time there is slightly more to it and with that in mind I would
say it’s about as difficult as carrying a ladder.

The reason I invented this dish is because I use the right side of my
brain a lot (which is the creative side, the left side is the more
academic practical side and I didn’t use that half when I made this
recipe up.) I would advise that this dish is reserved only for special
occasions for example after you have just won or passed because it’s
probably a total brick shithouse of fat and in turn v unhealthy, which
as you know is bad for the ongoing struggle to become a healthier
Britain. With this in mind I have tried to include some aerobic
movements and fitness manoeuvres throughout the recipe to combat the
problem.

To cook I want you to have:

3 big eggs
300ml of cows milk
130g’s of plain flour
6 slices of Parma ham (or you can use streaky bacon if you aren’t
feeling that majestic, if i’m honest streaky bacon is probably better
actually now i think about it)
12 chipolata sausages but if i’m honest you can use whichever sausages
you like really, and it doesn’t even have to be 12 either it could
quite easily be 8 or 7
Some Colman’s mustard]
Some salt and pep
A kitchen

!1. PUT in 3 big eggs the milk and the flour and whisk hard to make
batter, this whisking is as good as doing forty rounds on a peck deck
and it is rumoured that this whisking is good to improve the size of
your lats, quads, obliques and tries and that this is the main secret
of how Ricky Hatton got into shape when he fought against Floyd.

2. Add the salt and pep, add a teaspoon of mustard, whisk hard, girls
this whisking is good for your cellulite and fat deposits, and is no
different from going to bums and tums, it is rumoured that this is
another one of the main secrets of how Ricky Hatton got rid of his
cellulite and fat deposits for his big fight against Floyd.

3. Put the batter to one side.

4. Cook your sausages, browning them a bit. When they look two thirds
done just pop them on the work top and leave to cool, do ten squats and
then keep all the sausage fat because you can smear it all over your
cooking dish a bit later so the batter doesn’t stick.

5. wrap your sausages in the Parma ham, tearing each one in half so
that we can make ends meet with the quantities, pop these LOVELY
specimens in the oven for only about ten to five minutes at 220 so that
the ham can get a little crisp and become less of a membrane and more
of a crust, if you are doing it with bacon then maybe a bit longer you
know?

6. Once that has happened grease up your dish and pour in the batter
and then try to arrange the sausages willy-nilly and higgledy-piggeldy
so it looks like you have struggled a bit with cooking so that when
your mum sees the dish she will think you are sweet. When she says this
tell her her hair looks nice and hug. She will give you some money

(this technique can also work with girlfriend or with a girl whom you
are wooing, although this might be a lie because I have never tried
this variation, but I think it may work, but I don’t really understand
women, but I’m pretty sure they like gestures and eating, so I would
offer a 92% guarantee of success)

7. FAB 25 MINUTES HAVE PASSED SINCE YOU PUT IN THE DISH AT 220 IN THE
OVEN AND YOU HAVE JUST DONE SEVEN CHIN UPS, SO TAKE IT OUT AND LOOK AT
IT. IS IT PUFFY? DOES IT LOOK NICE? WHAT COLOUR IS IT? IS IT BURNT?
WHY? BUT IS IT STILL EDIBLE? DOES IT LOOK LIKE NORMAL TOAD IN THE HOLE
BUT SLIGHTLY BETTER BECAUSE OF THE ADDITION OF THE HAM OR BACON? Ask
yourself these questions and make your own conclusions.

8. Whilst its cooling you might like to know that the origin of the
name “Toad-in-the-Hole” is often disputed. Many suggestions are that
the dish’s resemblance to a toad sticking its little head out of a hole
provide the dish with its somewhat unusual name. I prefer to imagine it
the other way around though where someone has actually wedged a toad
into a hole, any hole will do, my favourite holes to imagine a toad a
wedged into are, key holes, man holes and arse holes.

9. Do ten sprints in the hall, or five up and down the stairs
remembering to be careful on the way down.

10. Serve your food up, I would do it with some potatoes and some green
beans, but you could use mashed potatoes and peas, or sweet corn but
definitely do have gravy please.I have noticed on cookery programs
these days that the presentation of a contemporary dish is very
important and often quite daring. With this in mind I usually serve my
toad in the hole on The Bourne Supremacy to give it that extra boost
(it also works just as well on The Born Identity or The Born Ultimatum)
thanks byee